Your the closest to heaven that i'll ever be
by Danlexkat26
Summary: Troy finds out Gabriella has been missing for 3 weeks. What will he go through to find her? TROYELLA R&R!
1. Capitulo Uno

**HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL**

It was summerlight, soft and humid. The rising sun had evaporated the cold dark rain which had sprinkled the Alburquerque streets. The cold and dirty rain was washing down the sewers just as Troy walked in a muddy puddle. As his foot sank into the mud, he sighed and quickly withdrew it, just in time so that the passing car wouldn't splash him. The boy put his jacket on and searched his pocket for a couple of minutes. He withdrew from it a wrinkled old dollar along with some month old lint and deposited it in a vending machine. After selecting the drink he wanted, the Pepsi can popped out with a metallic _clink_.

School had just ended a few weeks before, but it seemed he could not depart from it, not _yet._ That day and all of last week he had attended basketball classes. He was coaching elementary kids over the summer to earn extra credit for some classes, even though he loved it he wished he could get it over with. After he took a sip of his Pepsi _(FOR THOSE WHO DRINK YOUNG!)_he saw a familiar face it was Chad.

"Hello...Chad" Troy said

"Whats up Troy" said Chad

"Nothing, have you seen Gabi??" Troy asked

"Nope haven't seen her" Said Chad.

Troy thought for a moment and thought when was the last time he saw Gabriella, it was the last day of school.

**_Flashback_**

_From behind him, Troy heard someone quietly approach, and the footsteps stopped as he was about to turn around._

_"Troy can you sign my yearbook?" Gabriella asked as she held out the book to him, _

_"Sure" said Troy _

_He opened the white and red book, quickly gazing a couple of pages. Finally finding a blank page, somewhere in the middle of nowhere, he took out a jet black pen from his backpocket._

_"This might take a while," he said, quickly looking up at her. Gabriella was wearing a pink silk shirt, and jeans. Her hair was rolled in a bun, with some curls falling down. _

_" It's ok just don't take up the whole page ok?" she said _

_Oooh Glabsvirallllah!(Gabi)_

_you so fine!_

_you can take me to McDonalds fo sho!_

_hit me up shortayy!_

"Troy dude, what does that mean brah?" said Chad, popping out of nowhere.

It was at that moment that Troy remembered what race he was, Chad had not. So he decided to scratch out what he had written and start over.

_Date: 5-28-1607 or1667 (Founding of Jamestown)_

_Dear __Gab, I do not know what year it is. Anyways. I think you are fine, but I am way mooore popular than you are and I am awesome, fantastic, superb and exceedingly charming. I don't know about you, but I rock!! And Iknow, I know, you said not to use the whole page, but come on, you don't have any other friends. Who are you trying to fool?!?! Not me sista! By the way, what do you think about my awesome basketball moves? You wish you had them, don't you? And Gabi, I wrote you a song, this is how it goes_

_She say she snow goo _

_wit worns but ien worse_

_quick strutter and the joke a roman candle stuck to my tounge._

_weighed down by words stu_

_hoover drumatic_

_to ny is a cabin muh hearse_

_rad homie and another steat eeh gah_

_i'm two coolers and a hard down_

_and i don't want to forget how her words sound_

_these swords are all i have so i fight them_

_she nee-ed me just to get by_

_ted's pants_

_they're falling apart the twelth time_

_ted's pant's_

_and this is the walrus you love to eat_

_PANTS!_

_this is the way they lookey for you_

_O_

_mr. miyagi_

_you always folgers_

_before you found_

_drink up it's last call _

_last resort_

_rad homie and another steak eeh gah_

_i'm two coolers and a hard down_

_and i don't wanna forget how her words sound_

_these swords are all i have so i fight them_

_she nee-ed him just to get by_

_ted's pants_

_they're falling apart the twelth time_

_ted's pants_

_and this is the walrus you love to eat_

_PANTS!_

_this is the way they looky for you_

_O_

_mr. miyagi_

_white nacho showed me _

_that little bit of skunk_

_you've been savy for his bed arrest_

_naiomi watts too_

_the thing right infront of you_

_crawling into bed w/meeeeeeeeee!_

_ted's pants!_

_teds pants?_

_ted's pants:_

_ted's pants._

_So... Gabriella, how about you call me. you'd love it, almost as much as that walrus you love to eat. Dont let PETA find out!!! OR THEY'LL COME INTO YOUR ROOM AT NIGHT AND RAPE YOU WITH A CANOPENER._

_"Ahem...are you almost done?" as he heard her voice, he was brought back to reality. _

_"Oh, sorry I kinda got carried away" he said, glancing at the full page he had just written, in a nice curvy print. He gave her the new glossy yearbook back, and she took it. "_

_"So, what are you doing this summer, Gab?" Troy asked, casually as they started walking once more. _

* * *

****

Dear Xanga,

Gabriella never did call me, nor did I ever understand why. I mean, I'm the coolest guy in the whole school, and she's well, she's the freaky genious girl. Maybe, she doesn't have a phone i mean...she **IS** mexican.

well peace out pucca-pucca nucca.

P.S. Yo be my p.i.c...partner in crime.BIOTCH

**END OF FLASHBACK**

* * *

Troy got home and logged onto AIM.

(Troy)Sexybballboy1967inSouthCentralwhiledrinkingyourjuiceintheHOODpopoantagatadokosahikosahikodokosakumamotosakumamotodokosasembasahikosa9875: WHAT it do LIL SHAWTY

(Sharpay)HomedogskilletbisketGmoneygrilledteethpaulwallmikejoneslovinGshawtygangstermoneyBiotch:YO sexy mofo

(Troy)Sexybballboy1967inSouthCentralwhiledrinkingyourjuiceintheHOODpopoantagatadokosahikosahikodokosakumamotosakumamotodokosasembasahikosa9875:  
Wha yo doin dis weekend boo?

(Sharpay)HomedogskilletbisketGmoneygrilledteethpaulwallmikejoneslovinGshawtygangstermoneyBiotch:  
Biiiiitch pleassssse...yo know i don't roll that way

(Troy)Sexybballboy1967inSouthCentralwhiledrinkingyourjuiceintheHOODpopoantagatadokosahikosahikodokosakumamotosakumamotodokosasembasahikosa9875:  
wat yo talking bout babeh?

(Sharpay)HomedogskilletbisketGmoneygrilledteethpaulwallmikejoneslovinGshawtygangstermoneyBiotch:  
Look aren't yo trying to get wit, that hoe Gabriella?

(Troy)Sexybballboy1967inSouthCentralwhiledrinkingyourjuiceintheHOODpopoantagatadokosahikosahikodokosakumamotosakumamotodokosasembasahikosa9875:  
Hellz yeah! but i'm feeling you to baby boo

(Sharpay)HomedogskilletbisketGmoneygrilledteethpaulwallmikejoneslovinGshawtygangstermoneyBiotch:  
fo realz?

(Troy)Sexybballboy1967inSouthCentralwhiledrinkingyourjuiceintheHOODpopoantagatadokosahikosahikodokosakumamotosakumamotodokosasembasahikosa9875:  
HELLZ YES. you know i'm a P.I.M.P

(Sharpay)HomedogskilletbisketGmoneygrilledteethpaulwallmikejoneslovinGshawtygangstermoneyBiotch:  
Oh ...Troy guess what!

(Troy)Sexybballboy1967inSouthCentralwhiledrinkingyourjuiceintheHOODpopoantagatadokosahikosahikodokosakumamotosakumamotodokosasembasahikosa9875:  
What?

(Sharpay)HomedogskilletbisketGmoneygrilledteethpaulwallmikejoneslovinGshawtygangstermoneyBiotch:  
My lipgloss is poppin my lipgloss is cool...all the boys be starin when i walk through the school...WHATCHA KNOW BOUT ME WHATCHA WHATCHA KNOW BOUT ME!

(Troy)Sexybballboy1967inSouthCentralwhiledrinkingyourjuiceintheHOODpopoantagatadokosahikosahikodokosakumamotosakumamotodokosasembasahikosa9875:  
Shawty i already new that baby girl!

(Sharpay)HomedogskilletbisketGmoneygrilledteethpaulwallmikejoneslovinGshawtygangstermoneyBiotch:  
WEll i have to go cuz you be retarted over IM and Gabriella said that you have AIDS.  
PEACE NUCCA.

* * *

**Review nuccas.**


	2. Capitulo Dos

**High School Musical**

Gabriella hasn't spoken to Troy in ages because, well, he's a bitch. Troy was beginning to forget about her, when suddenly he finds a note. The note was in a 3 week old moon pie. It read:

**we have kidnapped that girl you like. please send 400 bananas in a paper bag along with a weeks worth of laundry to the dumpster behind Arby's by 8:00 pm. Friday June 7th.**

**COME ALONE!BRING NO ONE YOU MUST BE THE ONLY CHARACTER PRESENT AT THAT VERY MOMENT IN TIME OR UMM, WE'LL SHAVE HER HEAD. YEAH, BALD CHICKS ARE GROSZ.**

"Oh my! it's 7:45pm... friday, june 7th." exclaimed Troy.

* * *

Troy had the 400 bananas, although he was 399 bananas short. He decided to go to 7/11 and rob the clerk for the rest. Before he could get to the 7/11 he heard wild music coming from the house next door. 

"ohhh, partayy!!!!" Troy said "Better go check it out!"

So with that Troy went inside the house which was filled with party people. Troy looked through all the rooms and saw no one he knew. until he reached the kitchen which was filled with crack whores, one including Ryan Evans.

"Ryan? what it is this brah!?!" said Troy going up to Ryan and giving him some dap.

"Yo. What's good home dog skillet bisket g money home dog in da hizzhouse?!" said Ryan

Troy looked at him confused "Homie, who you trying to fool? yo ass is whiter then a polarbear on crack!"

"Dru dat sonn. I mean yes, you are correct, I am of a heavily caucasion desent, but for 'dissin' on me, nucca, i'mma bust som caps up yo ass, nucca!" said Ryan pulling out his 12 gage, which he had used earlier for hunting wolverines in Alaska, because they were trying to attack his cousin, i mean, what would you do in a situation like that?!?

Then Sharpay, who came out of nowhere, says "hey, by any chance do either of you have the time?"

Troy looks down at the clock hanging on Ryan's neck.

"7:57?!? Gee willikers! I have to get to Gabi"

Troy begins to run towards the door, he punches lil John in the face and steels his grill for no apparent reason and sticks it in his mouth. Why lil John was at this party still lies a mystery to this day. Luckily Troy Bolton and lil John have the exact same tooth mold, so it was a perfect fit.

He jumps into Dr Dre's car and pushes him out, just like in grand theft auto and begins to drive two miles to Arby's

When he arrives, he runs to the back right next to the dumpster and opens the trunk, pulls out the paper bag with the bananas and laundry which was next to a tied up Dr. Dre. How he got into the car, that's another story for another time. A man with a Brazillian accent says "You got the goods?"

"Yeah, you got the girl?"

"Uh sure, I guess if that's what you call it."

"It?! I love her!! sorta.. we're friends you know?"

"Hey dude, what you do on your own time's just fine, I don't need to know all the 'sexy' details"

They exchanged the bags.

"what the heck bananas and laundry? Where's the cigars and 100 percent pure cane sugar"

"This isn't Gabriella! It's just a monkey in a banana suit!"

A circus clown runs by and yells "Mr. Tinkles!!!"

The monkey jumps out of the banana suit and rollerblades away, **naked**.

* * *

Gabriella Montez shivered in fear as she was tied up to a pogo stick sticking out of the dumster behind Arby's (THE OTHER ONE). She had survived by eating week old curly fries and roast beef sandwiches, which were pretty because it was a change from eating month old bean burritos and quesadillas. Then suddenly 2 figures appeared from the darkness, snickering like mad.

"Why the hell are you two wearing those jump suits? I already know who you are!" said Gabriella

The blond one took of his mask "OOPSYS! TEE HEE HEE!!!" and twilred around his finger.

The black one smacked him in the face "SHUTUP! STOP BEING SO GAY...YOUR GOING TO RUIN THE MOMENT WHORE" He said then walked over to their victim.

"Hey, that's very rude!" said the blond one, massaging his cheek. The dark one, just ignored him and picked up a curly fry from the floor and popped it into his mouth. When he finished chewing it, and gulped it down he viciously licked his fingers clean from the grease.

"WILL YOU GUYS JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACES UP!?" said Gabriella

The black one turned to her "HEY. you leave us to our buisness!"

"WHAT BUISNESS? YOU GUYS ARE FIGHTING" said Gabriella

"NO. IT'S CALLED..INTENSE BUINESSING!" said The blond one

"Whatever, did he come yet?" said Gabriella

"Nah, just some circus clown screaming 'MR.TINKLES'" said the black one

Gabriella was deeply saddend, maybe if she hadn't given him the cold shoulder, or maybe if she owned a damn telephone instead of that toy one, he would've came for her.

"You know what this means right?" said the blond one

Both maniacs laughed hysterically, then the blond one turned on the electric razor, and Gabriella screamed in terror.

* * *

**REVEIW NUCCAS!!!**


	3. Capitulo Tres

High School Musical  


Troy freaks out that his love Gabriella is not there, he runs into Arby's and grabs a subway sandwitch, why there subway at an Arby's...we have no idea. As soon as he gets outside he sees Sharpay on top of his car dancing and eating a burger like the Paris Hilton commercial.

"Sharpay what are you-

She throws a soggy burger at him and it stains his shirt, she countinues to clean his car and throws the towel at his face. He immedatly starts to panic

"OH NO i have been blinded, but i am so young and attractive!" yelled Troy at the top of his lungs, as passerbys looked at him with horror striken across their dumbfounded faces. Sharpay pulled a frisby from her pocket and hits him upon the head. Troy blacks out.

* * *

Troy awakens in Sharpays bedroom filled stuffed animals and kinda looks like a scene from aladin. He's strapped to a banana chair with rope and has a sock in his mouth that smells like old spice. He hears a door open and Sharpay comes out of the bathroom wearing an i dream of genie costume dancing to the theme song. 

"What the hell is this?" says Troy

"shhhhh don't speak" said Sharpay

All of a sudden Troy heard a loud bang coming from downstairs.

"What was that?" said Troy trying to pull out of the ropes

Sharpay held him down "ummm...it was...my...myyyyy

* * *

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!!" said Gabriella trying to break out of the bag 

"HEY SHUTUP!...HE'LL KNOW YOUR HERE!!" said the blond one

"WHO WILL KNOW I 'M HERE?...TROY!!!" said Gabriella

The black smacked the blond one "YOU SEE NOW YOU TOLD HER THE WHOLE PLAN DAMMIT!!"

"What?" said the blond "What plan?"

The black sighed "NOW YOU TOLD HER THAT WE HAVE NO PLAN IDOIT!!"

"Sorry!...sheesh!" said the blond

"Whatever...just hurry up and lets get her to your room!" said the black

They dragged her up the stairs banging her head at each step it was a mircale Gabriella didn't black out. Those mexicans have some hard heads, lets all remember that for the future.

* * *

"Myyy...DOG!" said Sharpay finally

"why it take you so long to answer?!" said Troy

"erm...i ...i was trying to...FIGURE OUT WHO IT WAS!" said Sharpay

"your dog can talk?" said Troy

"um...YES!" said Sharpay

"COOL I WANNA SEE!!" said Troy getting out of the ropes and heading towards the door

"NOO you can't do that!" said Sharpay

"Why not?" said Troy

"because...becaussssee...tonight, is not about no talking dog...it's about you...and me...and that video camera over there" said Sharpay

"Video camera? what?" said Troy

"Shhhh don't...don't speak" said Sharpay placing her finger over his lips, she claps her hands and the lights turn off, the radio begins to play '2 become 1' by the spice girls. Sharpay begins to feel the face of her beloved Troy, when she notices his face is, a bit...chunky. she claps her, and the lights turn on and the music stops. She looks at Troy and is shocked on who it really is.

"DR.DRE??!!??" said Sharpay "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?"

"I dunno, but i sure am liking it!" said Dr.Dre looking Sharpay up and down

"ew" said Sharpay

* * *

Troy climbed out the window as Sharpay continued to be hoochie in the new Dr.Dre music video.  
Troy looked into Ryans room. He gasped. There she was...Gabriella, sitting in a chair...**BALD.**


	4. Capitulo Cuatro

High School Musical  


After sneaking out of Sharpay's room, and seeing the horrific scene of Gabriella and her bald head, Troy once again had to journey into the depts of the EVANS hOuSe (of horror!!!!! I just had to say that...anyway getting back to this HORRIFIC talltale). As he went past a couple of doors, he finally found the door that led to Sharpay's room. He stood before the door listening as best he could, to be able to hear atleast the tinyiest of sounds. After he felt sure that no sound only the sweet sound of someone's sleeping breath was aparent, he opened the door. Before Sharpay could scream in horror he tied her up with duck tape, (which had magically appeared in his hand) and took her down to the kitchen placing her in a chair.

"What you did to Gabi was horrible!" he yelled at her, as tears streamed down Sharpay's face.

She tried to reply, but all that was audible was a few "mmm...mmmmm..." as the poor Sharpay tried to defend herself from this injustice.

"Save your pleading,..." Troy informed her, he gave a sigh and continued "the atrocity you committed against a poor defenseless creature just as Gabriella has no kind of forgiveness. And I can't even start to think about what you could have done agaisnt me, or to me. I can't believe you have such an evil spontaneous mind, just to think of it gives me the creeps and goosebumps and chikenbumps and..." (I am sorry to cut you off from reading the continuation of Troy's speech, but we have limited time for typying.)

He left the kitchen with an air of malice, and when he returned in his hands he carried a small object.

"Mmmwamm...wmadnfhuigjhfhjtfgftyhfyjtfyjtl;fyfjyt fasytmrnytfkytcfytfyrulyktduytultkuydstjt5jt7jut5iu4t2jt5jtjrjytuyruyfhhtjvhdhtdhyyv4yj12  
htrfhygyjgjutuytiutitt5edd6687878777gfbfghdg5d55kfhgdxhellokitty.g." mumbled Sharpay, which translated into "What's that your carrying in your hand?"

"Oh this?" Troy said. (And I have no idea how he understood her mumbles.)"It's a razor, with which I will shave your head(hair) off!"

"MMUAaudmfm...mdtfhgfhfhfuyfghchhdxfujhjk56g4j5yutfchvhbkhk0000  
troyboltonyoursofineyoursofineyoublowmymindHEYTROYjhasjdhakdhakjshdjlkjljhl  
htgjyghtfhdteytehyuu89878878a$$ifmg..." mumbled Sharpie, which means "With a Razr phone?"

"Oh..man!" Troy said.

"...q" Sharpay said ("You Idiot! Baka! Omaewa Kuruturu! You are stuped and crazy!"

So Troy left and after a couple of minutes he returned, with a real electric razor. And before Sharpay could mumble another word, her golden locks were forced to face the terrible, horrific, mad, purple, oreoflavored, cootiecakes, fuddruckers, whataburger, fingerfood,... electric razor. And like never before, Sharpay's hair met the floor.

Troy escaped the kitchen with a handful of hair, he kicked the dog in the face as he ran up the stairs. He knocked down the door and placed the hair on Gabi's head, and then his face read pure disgust.

"You don't look too good blonde." Troy said.

He ran to Sharpay's room who had I don't know how transported herself to her room, tied up in a chair, which is on top of her bed. And next to the bed is Dr. Dre passed out with some hoochies wrapped around his arms, and with a bottle of Juicy Juice and gin, and wine, and Duff beer. He pastes the hair back onto Sharpay, with crazy glue. Then runs down the stairs to get Sharpay's black poodle, the poor dog looks at him confused. Then Troy grabs the dog and shaves its hair off, goes and glues it to Gabriella's head.

"Done" he says "My masterpiece is finished,...ha...ha...ha!" and exits the stage.

When he hears two bags drop to the floor. He turns around quickly

"GASP!" said Troy

"Yes, it was us who kidnapped your beloved" said Ryan appearing from the shadows

"No!...i wanted ARBY'S TOO DAMMIT!!!" said Troy pointing at the two arbys bags

Suddenly Chad appeared from the shadows and laughed like a gay-wad "no arbys for you my friend"

"GASP!...CHAD YOUR IN THIS TOo!?!" said Troy

Chad laughed "Of course"

"But...but...but WHY!?! WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A TERRIBLE HORRIBLE THING TO GABRIELLA?!" said Troy "my beloved!!"

"Because she told us to" said Ryan

"Who...who told you to?!" said Troy...


	5. Capitulo Cinco

High School Musical

"It was ME!!!" Said Sharpay still tied to the chair being carried in by a somewhat hungover Dr. Dre.

"But why Sharpay?!" exclaimed Troy.

Sharpay hangs her head in shame when suddenly a strange narrative voice comes out of nowhere.

"It all started during her childhood."

"What who the heck are you?" yells Sharpay in rage

"Yo, I think dat bees James Earl Jones." said Dr. Dre

"huh/ Mufasa?"

"Yes, Troy Bolton, I am Mufasa, and you're father! Muahahahaha."

"Coach Bolton?" asks Chad.

"Ummm, no. That was my Darth Vader impression, you know i'm Darth Vader."

"i thought you were Mufasa."

"well yes, him too. Hey can i get on with the story or what you little punks?! Good yeah, that's what i thought. Ok well it all started during childhood. Sharpay and Ryan are twins, but they both looked very different. Everyone just loved Ryans blond hair and blue eyes, and just didn't even notice Sharpay. All her life Sharpay just wanted to be noticed and adored by all. Well she wouldn't take it anymore. She didn't want to be known as the little indian girl anymore. Despised by her family and ignored by the world. Before the start of junior high she decided to not go out in the sun all summer to maintain her complexion, and died her hair blonde. Still no one noticed her, then she saw the sign up sheets for the fall production of Grease, and the Sharpay we all know was born. She got the part for the play and the rest is history. She got the lead in every school play and needed her brother to be the boy in the plays because there was no way she could be both. All was well in her life until Gabriella came along. Gabriella was dark skinned, dark haired; everything she was before. And to her surprise not only did she get the boy Sharpay was after, but she got the lead in the school musical. She took everything that Sharpay worked so hard for. But she didn't have to change a thing about herself. Sharpay's surprise soon became hate and anger towards the new little indian girl. Sharpay hated everything she was before, she hated herself, and now she hated Gabriella for stealing her spotlight."

Gabriella had a tear in her eye and looked up to Sharpay and said "I have a confession to make, you see I was adopted, i didn't really run across the rio grande, I was born in Smallville Kansas, my birth parents died in a terrable accident at the glue factory. They fell in the machines and now I'd like to believe that there making many grade school children very happy with macaroni and glitter, momma always loved macaroni." she cried. "Well anyways my new parents couldn't have children because my new father was in a terrable accident too. Everyone at my new school thought i was strange because of my light skin and blonde hair. All the other children in Juarez Mexico made fum of me and threw tortillas at me. So that summer i hit the tanning beds and died my hair dark brown. I finally fit in and no one threw tortillas and totopos[nachos at me anymore. I just didn't talk much because i was so shy with my terrable accent.

Sharpay and Gabriella both bust into tears and hugged. Troy decided to join in on the action and now the three of them are getting married next June. Dr. Dre is the bestman and Ryan is one of the maids of honor, he looks nice in a dress. Sigh


End file.
